I'm not sure where to start. Let just start be saying that the last several weeks have been long & emotionally draining to say the least! I'm not sure how to fully explain with all the identity editing that would be required.....let's give it a try!
- The "bigs" start to school was slow & caotic. Here we are 5 weeks into school, several conversations & meetings later and they are just now having their IEP's set into motion ! When my Anthony's asking not to go to school you know there's a problem !!
- For sensory reasons school has been becoming increasingly difficult for my Ana. Academically she has no issues, she's exceeding her grade level. She & I were so hopeful that this year would go smoother than last because she was going to have the same teacher, classroom, desk etc.....not so much ! ( this is the part that requires a tonne of editing !!!). Let's just say that I feel all the finger pointing should be directed at someone else !!
- So if Ana's day to day school issues weren't enough.....We then were sent into an emotional tail spin following an abusive verbal meltdown by a veteran teacher who was subbing in her class. Three days of solid raging like we've never been though before. Which resulting into her feeling so worthless that she went for the knife in an attempt to end it herself......
- Not everything is a mess ! Liam is having a GREAT start to grade 1 & full time school. However, there is a underlying sadness. He has announced to several of us that " Last year I was stupid ! Ms. Janveau is such a good teacher now I'm learnin stuff !!" - ( the truth is that he only 6yrs old, has mastered his phonics and is on the verge of reading any day now, He's got a brain like a sponge...animals, dino's, bugs, you should see him build stuff, What 6 year old do you know who understands the importance of rebar ?...he's anything but STUPID !!) More editing of my opinions.......I'm pleased to see that his current teacher Ms. Janveau truly sees my boy & likes him !!!
So where am I in all of this? Well, I'm doing my best to hold us all together. I've been seriously fighting the urge not to just tell everyone off ! My head still hurts from all the crying & being angry ! In the end I know the flaws of the systems in place and know that freaking out won't help any of us. I've been working closely with our mental health team. Having meetings with doctors, therapist, teachers, playing by the rules and being as upfront & honest as always. However, my urge to hide out is ever increasing. My tired emotional self has been eating way to many cookies and the weather has made it easy to not get out and walk.
Since I can't just "fix" my kids or the system and despite all my efforts I can't erase all the trauma...do you think maybe, just maybe people can just follow the law, ethic & procedures that they agreed too when they chose their careers & signed their contracts? Apparently that's too much to ask !!!
I'm seeing some major changes soon......let's just say my loyalty to the public school system is vanishing quickly !!! If I was granted a magic wand I'd form my own little education squad made up of the few excellent professional that have rallied around my precious little clan. I wonder what the unions would think of that? I'd promise to always be respectful & be a good member of the team and if that's not enough I'll feed them REALLY well !!!!
October Little Things
5 hours ago
Liam is bright,so bright I don't know how the 'high beam' intensity of his brightness could not have blinded previous individuals. Liam's New York accent coupled with his deep, sultry voice and wit crack me up and tug at my heart strings. Liam is always a joy. His kindness, sensitivity and inability to tell a lie (although at times, his skill at deflecting to other body parts as the culprits make me excessively giggle ;-) combine to form this wonderful little boy. Those people who choose not to recognize the wonder that is Liam choose to miss out on laughter, love, wonder and innocence.
ReplyDeleteAna, with her wild curls, her joy of life, her flair of style ...a flair to be herself no matter what anyone else thinks. A combination of Pippi Longstocking and Junie B. Jones, Ana stops you dead in your tracks and makes you think and then BREATHE! Ana is a fighter. Her spirit kept her living and her need to be heard keeps me listening. She came in to my life to teach me what about myself as an individual, firstly and secondly as a professional. She taught me so much more than any teacher could possibly impart to her. Ana taught me what it means to be truly compassionate, empathetic, and non-judge mental. Ana has intensity because she has passion. The world does not shift for any one person but Ana has big plans and I think we all need to look out! Big things come in small packages and if any one person can make a difference it will be Ana!
Anthony has a gentle spirit and a good heart. He looks out for his family and is learning what it means to be responsible and is learning what it means to make hard choices. He is learning what it means when things don't go right and how to make things better. These lessons are hard but he is able to sort through it all and make some sense.
Keisha always has a smile on her face, laughter on her lips and an innocence that will not be lost. She is a beautiful girl.
You have given these four a gift. The gift of a family and unconditional love. You always have their collective backs and you know what is right in your heart for them and you. Don't ever doubt yourself, and don't worry about the rest of the world. We either get it or we don't. Hugs to you and your four!