Internal dialogue....

we all have it !  Some of us more than others from what I've observed.  I struggle with being a chronic over thinker.  I caught myself just a few minutes ago in one of those being hard on myself internal rants that used to be an epidemic for me.

I'm feeling conflicted...my best wasn't enough in a recent work situation and I really hate feeling like I've let people down.  In the past this situation would of had me beating myself up intensely and running around exhausting myself making endless apologies.  Over the last few years I've been working hard to correct this in myself.  It's okay....it's not the end of the world....I can only do my best.  These situations are not all bad...they give me a chance to question whether I have been doing my best and to re-evaluate how I can improve how I handle things the next time.  Time management at the moment seems to be my issue.....I think.  Then I start thinking of what needs to be dropped or handled differently.  In a busy house it a fine line....for example ( this is more for me down the road than it is for any of you :)  In the last 5 hours I have:

striped the beds
shuffled the laundry
put my clean clothes away
eaten a bowl of cereal
unpacked from my work trip
run updates on 2 computers
answered 8 emails
sent 5 more
managed 2 facebook accounts
emptied & reloaded the dish washer
gathered all the garbage and dragged it out to the street
had a quick hello with Kevin
made a pot of soup
made a batch of gluten free herb flat bread to go with the soup
had 3 good long phone calls
missed 2 while on the line
sent out all the reminders for ball tonight
started 2 blog post
cleaned up after the bird
gone to the washroom 4 times....my adrenal glands are not happy

Still to do today:

get dressed
eat lunch ( since it's almost 2pm)
return those missed phone calls
shuffle kids off to the pool
finalize all my homeschooling receipts
work on the large pile that needs to get to the post office !
vacuum as much of the house as possible
remind kids it's Grandpa Bill's birthday next week
make dinner ( still deciding what that will be)
respond to any responses from those emails I sent out earlier....
get kids to put their laundry and things away ( so wish they were more self motivating in this area )
Ana has soccer (5 to 6 )
eat dinner
clean up after dinner while responding to the routine last minute texts about ball
organize kids for bed so I can leave on time.....
Baseball :)))) ( 6:45 until when ever...)
finish other blog post
remake my bed if I don't get it down before hand....waiting for things to dry
hopefully be asleep before midnight.....

And this is a quiet day...no wonder I'm tired and dropping the ball.  They say we need less sleep as we age....I'm not so sure about that !  I feel like I was much more resilient when I was younger.  I certainly need more rest & downtime now than I needed back then.....

Getting some of it out of my head has helped for now.....Sharing all this is not about making myself feel better specifically....it's about sharing my process.......sheesh it's now after 2:30....I really need to stop and eat.....chicken soup here I come.....hope your doing better than me in balance in your day !!!

Let's consider this part 1 of a new series of " How Shannon's mind works "  scared  or curious ?