Moving forward....

I'm so thankful that this month is over.  This time last year I was filled with a knowing that the year was going to be a good one and it was for the most part.  So far 2012 has been taxing to say the least.....I've decided to vent a little bit....one day my darling children you will find these thoughts. I want you to know that I was human and that I too had my bad days/months.  I try to be a glass 1/2 full kind of person.....I'm trying really hard to redirect our path.....to be a healthy role model for each of you......but sometimes the world seems to have another plan for me......

-  the weather as gone from one extreme to another.  Causing all kind of cancellations and rearranging of events & plans.  Which in turn has had all kinds of ripple effects....gremlins, gremlins, anxiety dragons, more gremlins and we were doing so well......I'm sorry that I snarled back instead of helping you chase your gremlins away....

-  the last few weeks I have found myself re-evaluating my position & boundaries with some of our family members.  Sadly, this is not the first time I have felt the need to step back and reassess.  I find myself grieving for so many things......I'm angry with the ongoing selfishness........I'm sad that the disfunction from my childhood is being passed on.....I'm reminded how much I dislike mental illness & addiction......I'm so tired of being treated as the families "emotional black hole"......it's all so tiring......I worry that by setting these boundaries you will judge me and worry about how I will support you as you navigate through the hurdles to come.....I just keep reminding myself that I can only control how I react and that we are so fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing " chosen" family.

- then you throw in some of the everyday old normal kind of challenges like vehicle issues, the quotes for the upcoming home repairs are a bit intimidating,  I haven't heard anything back from Keisha's neurologists....I'm so hoping that no news is good news ! Big boy I know you need to find your way but your testing me a little too much this week and if all that wasn't enough a ghost from the past has decided to try and widdle her way back into our lives.....that so not going to happen......a promise is a promise you can trust me......

So February is a new month......I promise to try harder to shake off the funk I've been in.....glass 1/2 full right Ana !  We have so much to look forward too......another set of swim lesson almost done....you guys are just flying through them.  We're going to start our family study of Italy.  The days are already getting longer....which means we may be able to get back to our evening walks/rides.....And the last but not least our upcoming trip to the Yukon for "Rendeveoux" & visit with Aunty Vanessa, Noah & Seth.  I'm so excited.....our first trip flying all together !!