Last night I was reminded of some hard truths. My logic gets it. My heart continues to struggle. How do you teach someone to love, to feel genuine compassion, to care ? Is it possible ? How do you teach someone who learned so young that she couldn't rely on anyone, who's so compromised on so many levels to truly trust and care for the people that love and care for her? It hurts to know that despite her going through the motions.....she doesn't truly love or trust me. It's hard to not let the idea of " why do I continue to fight for her so hard to stay with me....to get the care she needs" Where's the pay off ? What would our/my life look like if I had many a different decision all those years ago ? How do I allow myself to admit to feeling this way ? How do I protect us from her lack of attachment to any of us? How do I help her siblings ? They are trying so hard to understand.....that her differences are not always just quirks.....that her lack of attachment could endanger their life as they knew it.......sometimes our life if just plain hard.......
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