Thursday, June 3, 2010

Processing / Advocacy / FASD

This large black binder contains my oldest children's newest Neuropsychological, Speech & OT assessments.  We have also finally received in writing an official diagnosis for them both.  These assessment didn't hold any major surprises.  However, despite that I have been in "processing" mode since receiving it.  Seeing in print that your beautiful daughter should never be left unsupervised for her own safety is HARD.  That it's very unlikely that she will ever truly be able to be independent or mature much more is heart breaking.  Having that quiet knawing feeling confirmed has brought a flood of emotion that I'm told is "natural". What is natural is growing up !  

Over this past year I have been struggling with an enormus amount of ill feeling towards my child's birth mothers.  This is not my "norm" or natural way.  It's actually something that is extremely hard for me to admit or share with them or myself.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that they never intended to harm their children or themselves. I also know that they deeply love our shared children.  I resent that all of this was preventable !!

My mom gifted me my own copy of " The blind side" for my birthday.  Which we just finished's was the nudge I needed to not get stuck in the sadness or lack of potential options. I know first hand how you can look in the eye's of someone else child and fall instantly in love.  How you can rearrange every aspect of yourself & life to help them heal, bond, attach & achieve their best!  I'm sure this will not be the last time that I will have to dig deep and push forward.  I'm thankful for them, for the journey I'm seem to be destine to travel and eager to see where it/we end up.

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